Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
