This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
