I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
