i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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