This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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