why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
