i already hear my dad disowning me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
