i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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