i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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