Is it normal to miss your booty call?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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