The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
