I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
