I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
