just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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