The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
