could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
