New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
