I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
