The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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