my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
