yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
