This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
