There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
