Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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