Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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