sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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