I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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