I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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