Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
