i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
