I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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