so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So much Jack, so little girl.
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