That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
