It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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