god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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