Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
