Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
