I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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