so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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