Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
