3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
