In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
