Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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