i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
