its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
