and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The Olympian is in my bed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
