I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
