he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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