Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
