direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
