my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
