OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
