Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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