never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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