I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
