the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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