The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
