Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
