There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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