this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
