She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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